The Intersection of Technology and Intimacy: Reclaiming Human Connection
Our conversation with Liz Parker focuses on the profound connection between music, self-acceptance, and the courage to navigate discomfort. We explore the significance of radical honesty, humor, and the establishment of boundaries in fostering true charisma, which, as Liz points out, is not rooted in perfection but in the authentic expression of one's humanity. Over the course of her extensive career in music, she has learned the importance of embracing one's authentic self in a world rife with external pressures and expectations. Through her candid reflections, Liz articulates the challenges of navigating criticism and self-doubt, particularly in a society increasingly dominated by technology and social media.
Takeaways:
- Liz Parker reflects on her journey through the challenges of high expectations and the importance of radical self-acceptance in navigating insecurities and fear.
- Engaging with discomfort, whether through performance or personal interactions, is essential for growth and connection in our lives.
- The discussion emphasizes the detrimental effects of technology on human interaction, advocating for unplugging to foster authentic relationships and conversations.
- Courage manifests in everyday actions, such as stepping out the door for a date, reminding us that each act of bravery contributes to our personal growth.
- The episode highlights how true charisma arises from embracing our imperfections and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with others.
Links referenced in this episode:
Transcript
Your voice is your superpower.
Speaker B:Use it.
Speaker B:Welcome to Ignite My voice Becoming unstoppable.
Speaker B:Powered by Ignite Voice, Inc.
Speaker A:The podcast where voice meets purpose and stories ignite change.
Speaker B:Deep conversations with amazing guests, storytellers, speakers, and change makers.
Speaker B:I am so glad that the era I was doing no good was before Internet and before cell phones.
Speaker B:I mean, honestly, it's very liberating.
Speaker A:Right H. Today, Kevin and I are diving into a conversation that blends music, courage and radical self acceptance.
Speaker C:Our guest is Liz Parker, PR specialist, piano master, and someone who's been teaching piano for you.
Speaker C:Ready for this?
Speaker A:40 years, Liz has lived the intensity of high expectations.
Speaker A:Growing up with immigrant parents who pushed her to practice, perfect, and perform.
Speaker C:Oh, that.
Speaker C:Practice, practice, practice.
Speaker C:Don't die.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Liz also discovered something bigger than technique.
Speaker C:She learned how to navigate insecurities, criticism, and fear and to walk straight into the light of discomfort.
Speaker A:And she tells us why every act of courage, whether it's performing live on ctv, stepping out on a date.
Speaker A:Ooh la la.
Speaker A:Or simply shutting down technology to reconnect with yourself, is so worth it.
Speaker C:This episode is about radical honesty, humor, and the beauty of boundaries.
Speaker C:Liz reminds us that charisma isn't about perfection.
Speaker A:It's about owning who you are, good and bad, and leav into your humanity.
Speaker C:So let's sit down at the piano bench of life with Liz Parker and discover how self acceptance and connection can transform the way we live, we love and create.
Speaker B:Well, neither of you have an Asian parent.
Speaker B:You know, that that can factor into a lot of it.
Speaker B:I mean, even though my name is Liz Parker and I don't look obviously Asian, I was definitely raised with that immigrant, you know, parent experience.
Speaker B:You know, there's a lot of high standards, you know, high marks and practicing piano and, you know, don't get fat because boys will find you attractive.
Speaker A:That's not just in the Asian culture.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Speaker B:I learned that too.
Speaker B:And then when boys did start to show interest, don't even think of going out with them.
Speaker B:You have to practice.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:So there's some of that for sure.
Speaker B:But I was very, very fortunate in that despite all of that, my parents did raise my brothers and me to have confidence in ourselves.
Speaker B:And, you know, music is a huge part of my family's life.
Speaker B:Both of my brothers are concert pianists, and, you know, there's Junos and Order of Canada's there.
Speaker B:And I also studied music as well and.
Speaker B:As well as radio broadcasting with both of you, and.
Speaker B:And I wound up working in PR promoting classical music.
Speaker B:And I've always taught piano.
Speaker B:I've been teaching piano for 41 years.
Speaker B:So fortunately, the message that my parents did get across to my brothers and me is that you all have a talent.
Speaker B:We owe it to you to develop it.
Speaker B:And that did build a lot of confidence.
Speaker B:That's not to say I didn't have moments of deep insecurity, you know, about my body or my talent, you know, because my talent is not like my brothers.
Speaker B:But I didn't want to be a performer, so that's okay.
Speaker B:But you know, we, we all have these moments where we have to walk into the, the light and just sort of face our fears and discomfort.
Speaker B:I have kind of a two part process when it comes to reaction.
Speaker B:If somebody says something unkind about me, you know, my immediate reaction is emotional, right?
Speaker B:Like, well, screw you or who are you to talk to?
Speaker B:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker B:But I've learned now with wisdom and age to not necessarily say it out loud, but to think about it and ponder it and then intellectualize it before I respond.
Speaker B:If a guy is, you know, is unkind in how he says, I'm not interested, then I just assume he's latent and move on.
Speaker B:That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Speaker B:I, I really think humor is a great way to deal with everything.
Speaker A:We've had other guests who say the same thing.
Speaker B:What do you think?
Speaker A:Well, humor, it's.
Speaker A:It gives everyone the same playing ground, doesn't it?
Speaker A:You know, and then we can relate to each other.
Speaker A:And that criticism that you've talked about, possibly from your parents, but that also is an internal.
Speaker A:We all have that, we call it ants, automatic negative thoughts that really impacts what we think of ourselves.
Speaker A:And growing out of that, at least your parents gave you something that self confidence.
Speaker A:They saw you had a talent and wanted to grow with it.
Speaker A:Not everybody gets that.
Speaker A:I mean, my parents didn't think about me as a talented person at all.
Speaker A:And I've had to learn the hard way through.
Speaker B:Oh, you are though.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker B:No, no, no, you are.
Speaker B:I mean, you know, with both of you.
Speaker B:I have such strong memories of both of you from bcit because I was very curious about exploring promotions.
Speaker B:And Cat, you taught us that.
Speaker B:And Kevin, you taught us like how to talk, you know, without sounding like an idiot, hopefully.
Speaker B:And I.
Speaker B:Very strong memories.
Speaker B:And you both have an enormous amount of charisma that when I think back on it, I'm not sure either of you were even aware of it at that time.
Speaker B:I mean, it's been 30 years since, you know, we were in a class together.
Speaker B:Reminding me of that.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker C:You know, I don't, I wonder if any of us are aware of our charisma.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:It's just, it's just us, naturally.
Speaker C:I don't, I don't think we are, but, but we, we do need to become aware, kind of.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think, yeah.
Speaker A:It's important you get to a place.
Speaker B:In life where I think you have to own who you are, good and bad, and lean into what you're great at and lean into the discomfort of what you're not so great at.
Speaker B:What I find is that, you know, when you're young, you know, your body looks great and you look great and you've got stamina and you can party for hours and all that sort of thing, but the insecurity is huge and the lack of confidence and wisdom is, is huge.
Speaker B:And then as, as you get older, you know, your body starts to fall apart a little bit.
Speaker B:But, but you're more confident with who you are, you're calmer, you know what you're about and you own it.
Speaker B:And I think that's a really beautiful trade off.
Speaker A:Agreed.
Speaker B:If I can't party until 3am anymore, that's fine.
Speaker B:I know who I am and I'm confident.
Speaker B:Musicians are comfortable on stage because of the separation between them and the audience, but as soon as they're in a photo shoot with a photographer literally in their face, you know, adjusting the lens and someone's holding up a reflector desk, and then I'm in there checking hair and makeup and then clamping their jackets so they're more fitted.
Speaker C:Oh, self conscious zone.
Speaker B:Very self conscious.
Speaker B:All of a sudden the audience isn't blown away by their musical, you know, talent.
Speaker B:They're aware of their body and that they're sweaty and.
Speaker C:Oh, yeah, I'm a little boy or little girl in front of a judge.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker B:So it's my job to reassure them and tell them it's fine.
Speaker B:You know, we've got hair and we've got makeup and they don't have to worry about their playing because this is still photography.
Speaker B:So I, I try to focus on the relief of not worrying about wrong notes or memory issues.
Speaker B:This is, this is photos, it's all good.
Speaker B:So I really enjoy that.
Speaker B:And again, it's about getting people to tap into their genuine self, being authentic.
Speaker C:Well, and stop the judge, I guess.
Speaker C:And stop the criticism.
Speaker C:Yeah, I guess so.
Speaker C:The self criticism of the little boy or whatever.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Is this something that You've both had to deal with that self criticism.
Speaker A:We see it a lot.
Speaker A:As soon as somebody steps in front of a camera, they can be very calm, confident in a classroom or on stage giving a speech.
Speaker A:But as soon as they step in front of a camera or a microphone, it's like a light bulb turns off and they go inwards and they start to sweat.
Speaker A:And the parasympathetic nervous system goes offline.
Speaker A:The sympathetic nervous starts to agitate heavy breathing.
Speaker A:The sweating, the shaking, and the camera and the microphone seem to be that, that facilitator of that kind of energy.
Speaker A:And what we say is tap into who it is you are.
Speaker A:It's not about perfectionism, it's about connecting with someone else.
Speaker A:And once you take that connection off yourself and you're talking to that person, you're engaged with them, and you stop worrying about how you look, what you say, how you sound, and you then become authentic.
Speaker B:I find that fascinating because everybody is video chatting, everybody is online, everybody's making videos.
Speaker B:You know, I find it interesting that with the rise in technology, which was something that you mentioned, and that, that people are self conscious with the technology.
Speaker A:It is interesting.
Speaker B:I wonder why.
Speaker C:I think, I think if, if you're doing some kind of a chat online, you think of the friend you're talking to and you're doing it, you're performing for one person.
Speaker C:But I think as soon as you become aware that there could be a lot of people watching you that don't know you, that are critical, then you hear the critical voice in your head.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:I think that's the difference.
Speaker B:I guess so.
Speaker B:I mean, I was presented with a huge challenge before COVID I was picking out the theme music for your Morning, the CTV national morning show.
Speaker B:And I was tweeting it to them on a lark.
Speaker B:You know, I was having breakfast and I heard myself playing.
Speaker B:So I look up at the screen and there I am.
Speaker B:And, and they, they broadcast the video that I tweeted them.
Speaker B:And I'm like, oh my God, I didn't have makeup on.
Speaker B:I was wearing my glasses.
Speaker B:There's the self criticism coming up.
Speaker B:And so then they have, they also have this music for the, for the weather, you know, when they, they show the graphs of all the cities and they have this background music.
Speaker B:So I figured that out by ear.
Speaker B:And then I had like a wicked outfit, my hair was done, you know, makeup, and I just casually, you know, tweeted that.
Speaker B:And then they, they broadcast it again.
Speaker B:And, and then I thought, oh no, I know where this is going because they asked me to DM them.
Speaker B:And then I got an email saying, would you come on the show live to play the theme music on the piano in the studio live across the nation.
Speaker B:And this is something my own brothers have done.
Speaker B:So I completely freaked out and said yes before I could think about it.
Speaker A:Good call.
Speaker B:And I did it.
Speaker B:And I didn't tell anybody.
Speaker B:The only person who knew was my personal trainer because leading up to that week, I said, we're not doing any arms today because I didn't want to be sore.
Speaker B:No arm work.
Speaker B:No, we're doing legs.
Speaker B:And I didn't tell anyone I was that nervous in case it didn't go well.
Speaker B:But it went fine.
Speaker A:Of course.
Speaker B:You know, all those years of performing piano and all the, you know, studying, you know, radio with, with the two of you definitely helped.
Speaker B:Like, I didn't make any in comments.
Speaker B:I always explained the comments and fall for those who didn't know, you know, that kind of stuff.
Speaker B:And I was very proud of myself because that was a huge, huge discomfort for me.
Speaker B:I am not a concert pianist.
Speaker B:I'm not a performer.
Speaker B:You know, I'm a piano teacher and all of that.
Speaker B:But, yeah, I was so proud of that.
Speaker A:You should be.
Speaker A:And we talk about Brene Brown who says, you know, step into the ring of your life, and that's about facing your fears.
Speaker A:It's taking on those challenges and knowing in the back of your mind you're going to be okay.
Speaker A:Nobody expects perfectionism except for you, the individual.
Speaker A:Everybody else just wants to see you and they want to like you and they want to clap and support and be with you and enjoy that moment.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:Like, you know, I'm single and, you know, I'm not.
Speaker B:Yeah, I'm not, you know, dating right now, but at some point, I'll get back into it.
Speaker B:And before.
Speaker B:Before every date, before I step out the door, I always tell myself, you are committing a huge act of courage.
Speaker B:And then I go, good for you.
Speaker B:Because it's not just a reminder for myself.
Speaker B:It's a reminder that so is he, you know, because he's got a lot to fear, let's face it.
Speaker B:So, you know, I like to remind myself of these things, and I like to make myself a little uncomfortable every now and then.
Speaker C:We humans have become.
Speaker C:Well, we've been practicing sex for, you know, a little while as humans, for sure.
Speaker C:It's funny how ubiquitous technology is in our lives now, though.
Speaker C:How much has that really altered our core human functions and emotions?
Speaker C:So do you think sex Is that much different now compared to a thousand years ago, perhaps were all unintentionally becoming technological determinants to our sexual detriment?
Speaker B:Well, it's funny, I also listened to are you a Charlotte?
Speaker B:Kristen Davis talks about all the episodes of Sex and the City, which was a behemoth of a show in the 90s for women especially because it was the female point of view.
Speaker B:And she was talking with Candace Bushnell, the original author of Sex and the City, and talking about how young people now are, are having less sex than ever.
Speaker B:And you know, and I'm like, oh, that's, that's interesting.
Speaker B:And it's, it's because they're encumbered by technology.
Speaker B:They can hide more very flattering photos for the profile.
Speaker B:Texting, not getting together and hanging out the way we did.
Speaker B:And now there are parties where you lock your phone away so that, so that you can party freely.
Speaker B:Like, I am so glad that the era I was doing no good was before Internet and before cell phones.
Speaker B:I mean, honestly, it's very liberating.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And young people should have that freedom to experiment and party and socialize and whatever, you know.
Speaker B:So I think technology in a way is a hindrance, even though it facilitates meeting.
Speaker B:No question.
Speaker B:I think it hinders basic face to face contact.
Speaker B:But yeah, of course sex has evolved over the years, of course.
Speaker B:I mean the, the invention of the pill was a huge thing in the 60s for women in particular, so that we have agency over our bodies, which is a very important topic.
Speaker B:But yeah, of course it's changed.
Speaker C:Yeah, I think we're, I think we're unlearning some social skills.
Speaker C:And there's a, there's a cost to that when, in it, when we have, when we connect, you know, in, in lots of different ways, including sexual.
Speaker C:But there's probably a cost.
Speaker A:Interesting.
Speaker A:We think we're more aligned technology wise.
Speaker A:You know, we're more connected, but we're really not.
Speaker A:You know, when you get on a bus or when you're in a public place, you know, if you're by yourself, you're on your phone, you don't even look up and talk to people.
Speaker A:So how can you have sex if you're on your phone?
Speaker B:Everybody's looking down.
Speaker B:And the thing is, we are not supposed to be engaged all the time and we're supposed to look out the window and daydream and be unengaged and unplug.
Speaker B:I think that's super important.
Speaker B:And one of my best friends is 31, so there's, you know over a 20 year age gap and it's fascinating.
Speaker B:Hear her talk about dating versus me talk about dating.
Speaker B:And when she hears the stuff that I got up to or the way I'm radically honest with men, she's like, you say that you did that you did what and to whom and how?
Speaker B:Because I wasn't hiding behind a phone when I was her age.
Speaker B:I was out there.
Speaker B:I was out there meeting people.
Speaker B:So in a way, I'm glad to be my age.
Speaker B:I think it's very hard to be 31 now.
Speaker A:Agreed.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:There has been a change and actually you said something hiding behind technology or hiding behind a dead end job.
Speaker C:The reason I bring that up is I just read this article in the Guardian.
Speaker C:That's really cool.
Speaker C:Can I quote you a line here or two?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:Of all the things wasted in our throwaway times, the greatest is wasted talent.
Speaker C:There are millions of people around the world who could help make the world a better place.
Speaker C:But don't.
Speaker C:I'm talking about the ones who have got the power to shape their own careers.
Speaker C:Though you would never know it from their utterly unsurprising resumes, about the talented folks with the world at their feet who nonetheless get stuck in mind numbing, pointless or just plain harmful jobs.
Speaker C:There's an antidote to that kind of waste and it's called moral ambition.
Speaker C:Moral ambition is the will to make the world a wildly better place.
Speaker C:To devote your working life to the great challenges of our time.
Speaker C:Whether it's climate change or corruption, gross inequality or the next pandemic.
Speaker C:Its longing to make a difference difference and to build a legacy that truly matters.
Speaker B:I mean, that's very profound and very deep.
Speaker B:I think it's important to find meaning in your life no matter where it is.
Speaker B:Not everybody can find the, the Oprah life right where, where she has this incredible career that was deeply meaningful to millions of people around the world.
Speaker B:As a piano teacher, it was always a side hustle for me.
Speaker B:But while I was pursuing PR and other things and then I see.
Speaker B:I feel like I've come full circle.
Speaker B:Now that I'm teaching piano to kids and a lot of adults, I found a great deal of meaning.
Speaker B:It's not just about correcting someone's fingering and correcting the wrong notes.
Speaker B:That's the surface when I realized that most of the kids that I teach are not going to become concert pianists.
Speaker B:And that's fine.
Speaker B:What I am hopefully contributing to is their overall development as a human being.
Speaker B:Because when you play the piano, you're activating both sides of the brain.
Speaker B:And you're learning tiny little details, focusing on these little details as well as the overall concept of the piece and what the composer was intending.
Speaker B:They're learning how to memorize to deadline.
Speaker B:They're learning to perform.
Speaker B:I throw very informal recitals, so they have to perform, though.
Speaker B:These performing skills is very important on a first date.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And I.
Speaker B:And they're hopefully learning how to express themselves, and over time, they can come back to the piano and play for pleasure.
Speaker B:So when I thought about that, it's a very long game, you know, very long gratification.
Speaker B:But when I focused on that aspect, it gave me a great deal more patience with the kids who really don't have musical ability or they don't want to practice or whatever.
Speaker B:It gave me a lot more patience with that.
Speaker B:And I can't tell you how much it means to me.
Speaker B:10, 15, 20 years down the line.
Speaker B:They look me up and want to let me know how they're doing.
Speaker B:Thanks for teaching me piano, Liz.
Speaker B:It really helps with the girls or they ask my advice on life stuff.
Speaker B:I can't tell you how much that.
Speaker C:Means to me, but that's beautiful because really, it's about connection with another person is critical along with really sharing life skills.
Speaker C:You know, when we can all.
Speaker C:We can all engage in that valuable skill, Liz.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:We can all engage in that for sure.
Speaker B:Because, you know, most people our age, they remember piano very negatively with, you know, their fingers being wrapped at the ruler, and that's horrible.
Speaker B:And I want my stuff students to remember me like, well, she talked about food a lot and she gave out chocolate at the recitals.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, I think she was okay.
Speaker B:You know, I. I want them to have positive memories of their piano lessons.
Speaker B:I've always believed that the more advanced we get with technology, the more of a step back we take in basic human contact.
Speaker B:So I think technology should complement our lives and not prevent them, not rule them.
Speaker A:I agree.
Speaker B:Correct.
Speaker B:And I'm guilty too.
Speaker B:I'm addicted to my screens, and in the last week or so, I've been powering down at 9.
Speaker B:No TV, no phone, no.
Speaker B:No nothing.
Speaker B:And reading or just getting ready for bed, doing some dishes and just sort of easing into my sleep because I'm trying to get better sleep.
Speaker A:And that takes effort, though.
Speaker A:That takes conscious effort to control your own habits.
Speaker A:And sometimes we get locked into our habits until we're conscious of that is actually not serving our purpose.
Speaker B:Yes, exactly.
Speaker B:So I. I'm really excited to listen to, you know, other episodes of your podcast because I think it's always good to upgrade and improve and be more true to ourselves.
Speaker B:I'm really excited for you.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:And you know, it's, it's interesting because we've talked to quite a few and everyone says similar things in very different ways and you've touched on so many of those.
Speaker A:We've talked about self confidence, We've talked about fear.
Speaker A:We talk about performance and our own insecurities and technology.
Speaker A:And technology works for us on some level, but it really doesn't work for us on lots of other levels.
Speaker A:And I worry about my grandkids because as you just talked about, we didn't have this when we were growing up.
Speaker A:We had so much more connection.
Speaker A:Do you know my phone never rings?
Speaker A:Yeah, it never rings anymore.
Speaker A:I don't get to talk to a voice.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:I get text messages.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And I think there's ways around that.
Speaker B:Like you can, you know, consciously say, even with like a best friend, let's make a point to chat.
Speaker B:And you have to be proactive with it.
Speaker B:For example, during lockdown, another close friend of mine, we started going for a walk every week first thing in the morning to watch the sunrise.
Speaker B:And we'd go for a two hour walk.
Speaker B:And this was during the scary pre vaccine.
Speaker B:Nobody knew what was going on.
Speaker B:You could only see people outside.
Speaker B:And we, we did this every week during the worst of it.
Speaker B:And we, we still do it to this day.
Speaker B:We, yeah, we, we go for a walk once a week, first thing in the morning.
Speaker B:And I think it's just important to contrive to see people in person, talk to them FaceTime.
Speaker B:That's technology, but at least it's live talking and not texting.
Speaker C:What a powerful chat with Liz.
Speaker C:You know, music, well, just like life is not just about the notes, it is about the courage to play them as yourself.
Speaker A:And I loved how she framed each step out of the door is like an act of bravery.
Speaker A:It's so true.
Speaker A:Whether it's facing a stage, a camera, or a new connection, like that date, courage looks like leaning into discomfort and not running away from it.
Speaker C:And her honesty about aging.
Speaker B:Oh, no.
Speaker C:Boundaries and self acceptance was so refreshing, wasn't it?
Speaker C:The idea that as our bodies change, our confidence can actually expand.
Speaker C:That's a perspective we don't hear enough, huh?
Speaker A:And her call to unplug, to be radically present and to consciously choose real conversation, you know, that's something we can all take to heart.
Speaker C:And at its core, this conversation was about intimacy.
Speaker C:You know, the kind that only comes when you're comfortable with who you are.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:And Liz's story proves that.
Speaker A:Whether you're behind a piano, in front of a camera, or across the table from someone you care about, your true charisma shines when you stop judging yourself and start showing up as you.
Speaker C:And that's the community we're building, right?
Speaker C:People open to stepping into radical self acceptance, humor, and human connection.
Speaker A:Thanks for listening to Ignite My Voice Becoming Unstoppable.
Speaker A:Join us on this journey to make the world a better place, one voice at a time.
Speaker A:Visit us@ignitemyvoice.com did you catch that?
Speaker C:Ignitemyvoice.com.
